I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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