come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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