His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
this will be a night to untag.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
