Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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