all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
