my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
