dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
