I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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