I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
