it's like iHOP with fire
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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