I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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