Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
