I'm gonna have a badass scar
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
