I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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