so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
