i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
