oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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