Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
this will be a night to untag.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize