I have demons in me.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
operation harelip BJ is a go
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
