brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
