Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
So much rum. So many feels.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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