Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
