if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
