people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
