so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
This is my life. Enjoy the view
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
