It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
