Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
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And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
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Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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