I think my fart just growled at me.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
where are my eyebrows?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
