wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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