i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
