soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It's rum buckets o'clock
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
