The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
