I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize