Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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