Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
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