probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
