I hope mine doesn't look like that
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
