my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
