I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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