he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
