if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize