If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
