i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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