how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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