The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
