I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
