WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
