i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
