she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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