Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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