Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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