Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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