i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
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I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
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I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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