he shaved USA in his pubs
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
