Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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