Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
