i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
