Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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