Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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