just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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