he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
