Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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