I can text with my tongue
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
