I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
